Rating: PG-13 and R
Summary: It's 1975 and Micky Dolenz is divorced and living the party life. Rita is a young woman on the L.A. scene. When the two meet, their lives are forever changed...
Warnings: Implied Sexual Content (Het)
Notes: The title of the story is from a song by Tori Amos called "Playboy Mommy," in case any were wondering. There may be some historical inaccuracies in this work of fiction in either general, or in Micky Dolenz history. I apologize for them.
“Miss Wendell? Rita? Rita…” a voice from far away was calling me; it was unfamiliar and booming in my head.
I was in the field of wildflowers again, Hannah in my arms bloodied in death. I could still faintly feel her breath against my chest. Than she looked at me with those fading eyes and whispered, “It’s ok. It’s ok mommy.” Her breathing stilled and I was torn from my mind back to bright lights and alien faces.
“She’s awake,” a middle aged woman in white called, “Rita, can you hear me?” I nodded and tried to speak but my voice was shut out by an oxygen mask. Quickly I looked around me and noticed the heart monitor and I.V. hooked to my arm. Fear rose in my heart- what was going on?
Suddenly, Micky was in front of me, his eyes filled with concern, “Rita baby, I’m so glad you’re alright!” He took hold of my hand and squeezed it tightly, “Can you take this mask off her?” Micky must have noticed me frantically tearing at it. The nurse looked over to the other side of the room to whom I assumed was a doctor and soon I was released from the mask. The first thing I felt was a soft kiss on my lips. Micky leaned on my bedside.
I looked up at him still disoriented, “What’s going on?”
Micky looked at the nurse and than back at me, holding my hand closer. I already knew there was something bad going on, “You fainted in the driveway and were bleeding from your uterus, so Samantha and I called an ambulance. If it wasn’t for her I wouldn’t have known that to do…”
“Where is she?” I asked, remembering Ami was also with them.
“Samantha took Ami for now, they went home. She said to give her love.”
The doctor than came into view. He was, like the nurse, a middle aged man but resembled a much older man, probably due to his profession. His brow furrowed as he began to speak, “Miss Wendell, there is no easy way for me to say this. The bleeding you’re experiencing is your body expelling the fetus inside you. Unfortunately, it’s not working fast enough and infection could occur if everything is not cleaned out. So we’re going to have to put you under some local anesthetic and do that for you.” He awaited a reaction from me, but frankly I was in too much shock to have one. For the first time his face softened, “I’m so sorry. I’ll be back to get you in a few minutes.”
I continued to be still, waiting for the first thing to trigger my emotions. The nurse had tears in her eyes as she came over again, “I’ll leave you two alone, than I’ll be back with the doctor.” I could hear her leave.
Micky was at my side once more. He enveloped me in a hug and laid his head on my chest; I could hear him sob gently, “I’m so sorry Rita I-“
I lifted his head with my hands. His beautiful almond eyes were filled with tears. And that was it- I began to cry, trying desperately to control my sobs, “It’s ok Mick. Micky?” He looked at me waiting, “I love you.” I had finally said it.
Micky ran a hand through my hair and kissed my forehead and then my lips deeply, the salt from our years mingling in, “I know. I love you too baby.” He put his head back on my chest and laid there almost as a child would.
It was at least five minutes before the nurse and doctor returned, Micky and I still clutching each other. The nurse approached, smiling sweetly, “We’re ready for you.”
Micky got up and looked at the doctor, “Take care of her doc.”
“She’s in good hands. You may go to the waiting room. I’ll be at least an hour.” Micky looked back at me and took my hand once more.
He walked with us as they wheeled my bed all the way to the operating room and than sighed, and kissed me one last time, “I’ll see you soon.” I nodded and smiled. Then we went into the operating room.
Now on my own, I was laying flat on the bed, nervously looking around me for signs of activity. I could see nurses flying past my head and chatting to each other. Then the same nurse who had been in my room approached the bedside.
“We’re going to move you from here to the operation table,” she said and motioned to her left. The operation table looked a lot like those in the gynecologist’s office, with the stirrups for your feet and for widening your legs. Absolutely horrific. I felt tense but attempted to get up. The nurse pushed back on my shoulders, “Oh no, don’t get up, you could lose blood! The nurses and I are going to move you.” I waited as four nurses surrounded me. They undid the sheet under me and than put their hands under me, carefully balancing my weight. It was a short trip and soon I was on the table. One of the anonymous nurses gently lifted my feet and put them in the stirrups, telling me to scoot down. This was the first I’d noticed I was naked besides the hospital gown I had on; I blushed but the nurse smiled sympathetically and than informed someone behind my head that they were ready.
The doctor appeared suddenly and maneuvered in front of me. He also smiled, “Don’t worry Miss Wendell, it’ll be over soon. Now you’re going to feel a pinch first, that’s the anesthetic, and than pressure as we work. Please let us know if you are uncomfortable at all. Ok?” I nodded and laid my head down, waiting. I felt the injection and a few minutes later, discomfort. I closed my eyes and tried to ignore it.
‘It’ll be over soon…’ the doctor’s words rang in my ears. It seemed ironic to me that the ‘it’ he was referring to was once a developing child in my womb, one I swore would have been a little girl, and now through this one simple procedure it would all disappear, seem nonexistent. After this, these people would move on to other patients, other women perhaps, but I would linger. My emptiness would envelop me. To think, I had finally gotten used to the whole idea and now it was being torn away from me. I wanted to weep, but held back my tears; this was a time to be brave. I wished with all my heart Micky was at my side, stroking my hand, telling me it would be ok. How must he have felt? I couldn’t even imagine the mixes of guilt and loss. And then it crossed my mind- what reason did Micky have after this to be with me? After all, I had forced myself into his life with this child and now that it was gone, why should he hang around? Yes, we did have chemistry, something I’ve never experienced with a man; I felt as if we were one. When he held me a night, when we kissed, when we’d made love, it felt so good and fit so perfectly. It broke me in two to think of life without him. I couldn’t let him go.
The very thought made me let my guard down and I started to cry silently. The nurse on my right noticed and took my hand in a display of support. I let the tears flow and closed my eyes again, pretending it was Micky bringing me comfort.
When the hour was up and the doctor told me it was all over, I was utterly exhausted. Through my I.V. they administered pain medication. I could hear him telling me about it as I drifted off to sleep.
“…she’s been out for almost an hour now,” I could vaguely hear Micky’s voice in the air, “They said it all went well.” I opened my eyes and I was now back in my hospital room, in bed with my head propped up on a pillow. I smiled at the sight of Micky. He caught my gaze, “Rita..” He got up from his chair and came over, leaning in and kissed me passionately, the kind of kiss that warmed my heart and made me realize he’d missed me.
When he moved to sit back down I noted who was sitting next to him, “Peter!”
“Hey Rita,” Peter replied coming over. I immediately reached up to hug him and cringed as I felt the affects of my operation. Peter let go and noticed, “Be careful. I came as soon as I heard. I’m sorry.”
I frowned, “It’s ok.” Peter sat down again. I looked around for others, “Is Jackie here?”
“She went to get something to eat,” Micky replied, “I called her after you went in and I swear she was here within five minutes. Harry must have killed someone just to get here!” I chuckled; it was so good to know I had such an amazing friend, and also that Jackie had a psychotic boyfriend.
“How are you feeling?” Micky asked as he stood and came over to me again, tucking some hair behind my ear; I had the odd desire to kiss his hand but didn’t.
That was a strange question- I felt extremely sad, yet lighter at the same time, which in turn produced a great deal of guilt. I decided to answer simply, “I’m tired but otherwise alright.” He smiled weakly at me and I knew he knew I lied. But these pleasantries were to be expected, at least until we went home. It was still my home wasn’t it?
The door opened and the familiar nurse walked in, followed by Jackie and a little girl; it was Ami and she was hungrily crunching a candy bar.
Jackie practically pushed the nurse out of the way, who was checking my vitals, as she bounded over for a hug, “Rtia honey! Oh sweetie…” She suddenly jumped from happy to sad and the look in her eyes told me she needed to talk.
I looked at Micky who seemed to take my hint, “Um, I’m gonna go call Samantha, she wanted me to when you woke up. Come on Ami, we’ll call mommy!” He winked as he took his daughter’s hand and left the room, followed by the nurse. Peter was all who was left.
“Right well, I’d better be going,” he said standing and coming over to me, “Next time we meet it should be under better circumstances. Listen, come over anytime for a visit ok?”
I hugged him, a little softer this time, and kissed his cheek,” I may take you up on that! Bye.” He waved on his way out.
Jackie brought one of the chairs to my side and got comfortable, “Rita, you have no idea how bad I feel. I can’t believe it.”
I sighed, “I’m in shock, it hasn’t sunk in yet. I mean, I was so ready for this to happen and now, I wonder what will even become of me.”
“I’m sure Micky will want you with him.”
“Will he? You think so?”
“Rita, not everyone is as heartless and superficial as you make them out to be. Besides, the very idea he accepted you in the first place means a hell of a lot.”
“You’re right. I don’t know why I’m so critical.”
Jackie put a hand on mine, “You deserve all the happiness you want after this,”
I looked away feeling my emotions about to run rampant, “Thank you.” I managed to say this very softly.
Jackie stood up and grabbed me in for a hug; I didn’t even mind the pain this time as I turned my head onto her shoulder, “Oh Rita…God…”
I sobbed quietly as I could into her shoulder, which wasn’t very quiet at all, “It isn’t fair!”
“I know, I know…”
“What would my parents think? They don’t even know! Jackie I just don’t know what I did wrong.”
Jackie grabbed my shoulders and looked firmly at me, “Hey, you did nothing wrong! It happens. I know you were so looking forward to the baby but it’s not your fault.” I nodded silently and put my head back on her as she patted my back. I calmed down a few minutes later and let her go, and she sat down again, wiping a few tears from her own eyes, “It’s gonna be ok you know.”
“Yeah,” I replied grabbing a tissue and fixing my face.