Title: Don't Judge Me So Harsh Little Girl
Rating: PG-13 and R
Summary: It's 1975 and Micky Dolenz is divorced and living the party life. Rita is a young woman on the L.A. scene. When the two meet, their lives are forever changed...
Warnings: Implied Sexual Content (Het)
Notes: The title of the story is from a song by Tori Amos called "Playboy Mommy," in case any were wondering. There may be some historical inaccuracies in this work of fiction in either general, or in Micky Dolenz history. I apologize for them.
There I stood in front of the full-length mirror in the bathroom of the courthouse. My hair was primped and curled around my face, the dress Jackie had bought me fit perfectly, and my make up was freshly applied. I had never looked so well put together but felt so nervous. My stomach felt like at any moment it would jump out of my mouth, my heart was beating against my ribs. And yet to the untrained eye, I looked calm as could be. It wasn’t Micky, it wasn’t even the idea of getting married. I had dreamed of this moment since I was a little girl. But it was suddenly upon me and my mind wouldn’t comprehend it.
“Rita?” I heard Jackie call from behind me. I turned to see her with the door half open and ready herself, looking pretty in a lavender dress, “It’s time.” I nodded and took a deep breath before exiting the bathroom.
The doors to the courtroom were closed, I could only assume Micky and Harry were in there waiting. As soon as I came out, my mom fawned over me, “You look just beautiful dear. I’m so proud of you! Your father and I love you very much.” She hugged me lightly.
Dad came up and looked about to say something, but only planted a kiss on my cheek. I could see the tears straining at his eyes. Lastly, I eyed my sister who was dressed up herself. She wriggled her eyebrows as if to say ‘It’s show time!’ and I tried not to giggle.
Suddenly, the entrance to the courthouse opened and someone breathless entered disheveled, “Sorry I’m late.” When they moved the hair from their face, I saw it was Peter Tork, to all my awe and surprise.
“Peter! You didn’t have to come,” I said approaching him for a hug. We hadn’t spoken since I was at his house but I assumed Micky must have informed him of the wedding.
Peter hugged me tenderly and than kissed me warmly on the lips. I didn’t care what it looked like to anyone else; we were good friends with an attraction to each other. He and I both knew it would never be allowed by either of us to amount to anything and that was ok, “I’m happy for you.”
“I know,” I replied. I let him go and looked at everyone else, “But I don’t know how we can fit you into the entrance.”
“Well, why doesn’t Peter walk in with Angie? Sort of like a bridesmaid?” Jackie suggested.
I smiled at my sister who had gone pale, “That’s perfect.” Peter walked to my sister and introduced himself as she stammered a reply. She took his arm reluctantly and I smiled wider, “Everyone ready?” They nodded and I took my dad’s arm. We got in order in a line at the door.
The doors were opened then by an official who was performing the ceremony who must have been eavesdropping, but I didn’t care.
First, mom walked in, went to Micky and hugged him, than took her seat in the front. Next was Angie on Peter’s arm. She was beaming joint embarrassment and joy. I heard Micky say a surprised ‘hi!’ to Peter before they sat. Jackie walked down now, never taking her eyes off Harry as they sat down together. I looked up at dad and he patted my hand on his arm as we started walking. I looked at each person there with a thankful smile for each one of them. Than I saw Micky at the end, hands folded to him and stunned but attempting not to show it. When we got to him, dad let me go and hugged Micky. He than put my hand in Micky’s before sitting next to mom. Micky pulled me closer, lacing his fingers in mine, and we faced front and the official.
The ceremony went off without a hitch, and I barely stumbled through my vows. We never broke eye contact, and when pronounced husband and wife, Micky only kissed me sweetly as everyone clapped. We signed the marriage license after and for the first time I could call myself Mrs. Rita Michelle Dolenz.
Back at mom and dad’s we all hung around for a little food and drinks. Micky never left my side as he chatted with people.
“You’re glowing,” he whispered at one point in my ear.
“It must be love,” I replied and kissed him. Mrs. Dolenz, I thought, with a smile in my heart.
I was surprised by how well my parents were taking the entire thing. They seemed truly happy for me, though I thought that maybe later when all the madness had died down and they were alone a certain sadness would catch up with them. But for the moment, mom was busy running around playing hostess, and dad was talking with a neighbor. Angie was stuck to Peter like glue, going wherever he went; I hoped he wasn’t annoyed by her. He didn’t seem to be, in fact, he seemed amused and flattered. Jackie and Harry found a spot on the couch to cuddle and so Micky and I joined them, glad not being the center of attention for at least thirty seconds.
“How does it feel, this marriage thing?” Jackie asked turning her head my way on Harry’s shoulder. Micky was sitting lengthwise with his feet on the floor and I was on his lap, his arms tight around me. At least I had a good vantage point of the party.
“It’s divine!” I replied in a Marilyn Monroe airy voice. I giggled, “Really, I can’t imagine being happier than I am at this moment.” Jackie ‘aww’ed’ and than turned back towards Harry. I could tell she was beat. I leaned back against Micky and could feel his breath on my neck, “How about for you?”
“I love you,” he replied burrowing his nose in my neck, “You smell so good.” He kissed me there, knowing it was my weakness.
I grinned and sat up, “Micky, not here. This isn’t just some party where you can sweep me off my feet in the middle of it. Come on, let’s distract ourselves.” I got up and put a hand out to him.
“Why must you torture me so?” he said taking it and feigning frustration; or maybe he wasn’t. I just shook my head and walked over to Peter and Angie by the record player.
“Enjoying yourself?” I asked Angie.
She nodded fervently, “Very much. What, you coming to steal him away?” She winked.
Peter turned our way, “What was that?”
Angie realized she had relayed some semi-private information and that Micky appeared clueless. I saved her from certain death, “I was just asking Angie if she was having a good time. Are you?”
“Absolutely!” Peter exclaimed, “And I wouldn’t mind getting stolen away…”
I turned white, he had heard us! “Don’t flirt with me, I’m a married woman Mr. Tork!”
“Ah, but that never stopped me,” Peter replied folding his arms across his chest and getting closer. I blushed and glanced at Micky; he was actually enjoying this! I quickly separated myself from the situation and walked to the kitchen and out the back door. I needed fresh air.
I heard the door open seconds after and I knew it was Peter behind me, “Hey, it was just a joke.”
I turned and frowned, “But it’s not! Peter, Micky can never know about us.”
“Nothing happened between us,” Peter said trying to diffuse the situation.
“You and I both know that’s not true!” I said gesturing violently, “We were… you were going to…”
Peter took me by the shoulders and made me look at him, “Rita, I know. But we didn’t. And just because we shared a moment doesn’t mean we have to act strange around each other.”
I sighed, “I guess you’re right. I’m sorry. Let’s never speak of it again.”
“Deal,” he said with a smile and hugged me.
The back door opened and Micky appeared just as we let go, “Everything ok?”
“Fine, I just needed a little fresh air,” I replied, “Peter was worried about me.”
“Oh, well, let’s get out of here soon huh?” I nodded and went back inside with Micky, leaving Peter outside. I looked back at him once; I could tell he was faking a smile.
In another world, maybe Peter and I could have happened. He was a wonderful man who I had grown to love as dear as a brother. Our physical attraction had to be controlled. What I felt for Peter could only be named as lust. What I had developed for Micky was a deep love. I wanted to have his children. I wanted to spend my life with him. It was two very different dynamics and something that at this point in my life I had no energy to deal with. Maybe one day we would confront things and tell Micky. But until than, all hormones needed to be subdued.
Around three in the afternoon or so, people finally began to file out of the house. Before long all that was left were my folks, my sister, Peter, and Jackie and Harry.
“We have a plane back to L.A. to catch tonight,” Harry reminded Jackie as they got their things.
“A red eye,” she said and rolled her eyes, “I guess we’ll see each other again soon?”
“Yeah. Thanks for everything,” I replied hugging her. I hugged Harry and soon they left.
“Well I’d better get going. Barbra’s expecting me at some point, the baby and all,” Peter said, hands in his pockets.
“Safe journey man,” Micky said hugging him.
“Goodbye Peter. Give the baby a miss from me when it comes,” I insisted. He smiled and hugged me tightly. He said goodbye to my parents and Angie, and then made his exit.
“I suppose you kids want to get going too,” dad said approaching us, drink in hand.
Mom walked in wiping her hands on her apron, “The wedding night is very important, you know, Richard.”
“Mom” “Kathy!” Dad and I both yelled at the same time. Dad shook his head in a sort of ‘what am I going to do with her?’ way and faced me, “My baby’s all grown up. I am very proud of you Rita. You’ve become a beautiful, accomplished woman.” I hugged him, latching on like I did as a girl.
“Thank you dad,” I managed to say without crying.
“You have fun now,” mom said with a wink. I blushed as she hugged me, “And call when you get home.”
“I will, I promise.”
“Well big sis, I’ll see you soon!” Angie said attacking me similarly to the way she had at the airport.
“You’re the only girl here at home now. Help mom and dad out and stick around a few years.”
“Yeah, like till you’re 30,” dad cut in. I laughed as Angie wrinkled her nose in horror, “I’m kidding Ang.”
Micky quickly said goodbye with handshakes and hugs and before long we were in the back of a taxi on our way to a hotel, the one, in fact, Micky had stayed in the night before. We arrived shortly, checked in and Micky grabbed our little bags. As soon as we were in the elevator and the doors closed, he cornered me and kissed me deeply.
“Finally alone,” he murmured in between kisses.
“Um, Micky can’t we wait till we get to the room?” I asked trying to be sensible amidst the fire in my heart and body, “Anyway are we in the room you and Harry used?”
“Nope. I’ve got a surprise for you,” Micky replied.
“Hmm,” I said raising an eyebrow. This time, I kissed him.
Micky dragged me out of the elevator on the top floor of the hotel, bags on one arm and me on the other. He dropped the bags at the second door to the right and unlocked the door. Pushing it open, I looked inside.
“Oh Micky…this is amazing,” I said viewing what reminded me of a palace. The room was softly lit by candles, rose petals strewn everywhere. The room and bed were large, everything looked like an inner sanctum, a paradise. I moved to go inside.
“No, wait, hold on!” Micky exclaimed. He propped the door open, took the bags in, then came back to me with a devious smile on his face, “Come here.” To my astonishment and delight, he picked me up in his arms and I put mine around his neck, giggling. He carried me inside and gently set me down on the bed with a kiss, “Be right back.”
I sighed and touched the gorgeous wooden bed frame above my head, then picked up a few petals and smelled them. Micky shut the door, locked it and made sure the ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign was out. He than waltzed over to the other side of the bed, barely taking his eyes off me. My heart was beating rapidly as he climbed on the bed and was above me. Micky kissed me, his hands already moving for the back of my dress, I went for his tie and shirt as we continued kissing and breathing closely. In quick time, we were both down to our underwear, hands all over each other. This time I allowed myself to moan and say his name while he did the same, whispering how much he loved me. I wanted him. I needed him. We got in the bed and made love.
Twice in a row we expressed our love for each other and hoped we weren’t disturbing other patrons. But really who cared? I was in the arms of the man I loved, my husband, nothing could be closer to heaven.
Early the next morning I awoke, sheets tangled and rose petals stuck to my skin. I rolled and eyed Micky sleeping soundly. I smiled and shimmied to the crook of his arm, laying a hand on his chest. He woke quietly and looked down, “Lovely Rita.” I leaned up and kissed him, to which he groaned, “I’m hungry.”
“You should be,” I remarked, “Why don’t we take a shower and then order breakfast?”
“Perfect idea.” We went to the bathroom together, taking a very long and sensual shower. When we got out, we each put on a complementary robe and I dried my hair with a towel while Micky ordered from room service. It arrived shortly and we ate hungrily as the sun rose over the city. When we were done and I was staring out the window absentmindedly, Micky took my hand, “Rita?”
“Yes?” I said looked at him.
“I want to talk to you about something. Harry told me the other night he’s getting a play put on in London soon. He wants me to be in it, with Davy Jones. I wanted to know if, well, you’d want to join me?”
I swear my mouth dropped open, “We’re going to England?!” He nodded, “Of course I’ll go! I wouldn’t miss it for the world. Mick, this is fantastic news!”
“I know, it’s happening so quickly but he just sort of dropped it on me. If we’re going, there’s plane tickets booked for this evening and check out here is around noon.”
“What about all the things back in California?” I asked beginning to panic.
“Already taken care of, I got Jackie to do it for you. Everything’s downstairs. I just figured you’d want to go.”
“Mr. Dolenz, how do you know me so well?”
“I don’t know, it must be love,” he replied standing. I stood and he put his arms around my waist, “But since we have a few hours left, how about another go, Mrs. Dolenz?” I smiled and nodded as we went back to bed.
Just before noon, we checked out of the hotel and went to the airport. The flight was at 3:30, so we hung around until then. To my shock, Harry and Jackie were there going on the same plane. I reprimanded her for lying to me but we had lunch together and before long it was time.
The flight was relatively pleasant and I slept through most of it. After all, I hadn’t the night before! Soon we arrived at Heathrow and exited. I breathed in the English air and looked at Micky with glee. A new chapter in our life together had started and I couldn’t wait to see how it ended…
The 1970’s came and went as Micky and I continued our life out in England. He did plays and also got work as a director and products of television shows. He even changed his name to Michael Dolenz for a while to hold credibility!
I, on the other hand, had my hands full. A few months after we were married, I found out I was pregnant. We were overjoyed and I took every precaution I could to make it a success. Sure enough, I gave birth to a healthy baby girl we named Jane in mid 1976. Since then, we’ve had two more girls; Victoria in 1979 and Jennifer in 1981. Micky absolutely adores his girls, they are his little angels. He gave them everything and anything, including an overabundance of love. I kept track of them when he was away or busy, but we always made time to be a relatively normal family. I counted myself lucky and blessed every day as I watched my girls, knowing I had once not been so fortunate.
We moved back home to California as family in 1990, making a new home for ourselves there. Micky and my family got to see their precious grandchildren as well as spending time with Ami, who was all but grown up. She had become a lovely woman, an actress, and you could see the pride in Micky’s eyes every time they were together.
I sill remain friends with Jackie, who eventually married Harry, but he unfortunately passed away a few years ago. Jackie is coping as best as she can, throwing herself into her newfound passion of art.
Peter Tork is still making music, these days with his blues band, and we see each other as frequently as possible. Although he and Micky have had their differences over the years, I’ve maintained a friendship with Peter, talking to him once a week at least. Our lust for one another has passed into a deep admiration and if together, you can find us only laughing about our pasts.
About in the mid ‘90’s, the Monkees craze heated up again, and this time all four of them toured together for a few dates. I’ve met Davy and Mike, two people I truly love. Micky had taken us on tour where I got to know them; even when Mike dropped out we still had fun.
In 2005 we celebrated 30 years together with a gigantic house party; everyone was there. The girls are teens now, my how time flies! I think Micky would agree with me when I say our love as grown larger and stronger every day and I don’t know what I’d do without him. He’s my rock and best friend.
I still thought occasionally of the one that got away, my Hannah. Over the years it has become easier to come to terms with my miscarriage and look on the bright side and see that I did have three wonderful daughters since. Sometimes I thought maybe she knew me better than I did myself at that time and judged me harshly, deeming me a premature mother. Logic, however, says different and I suppress these thoughts, drawing comfort from my other three. They had thought I’d be alright, and truly, I took to motherhood like a duck to water. My children told me often what a great mom I was, as I blushed with gratitude. I suppose I was.
At the anniversary bash, I somehow found myself alone on the house balcony, cocktail in my hand, viewing the landscape.
I heard footsteps behind me and a click, “Need a light?” I turned to see Micky with a lighter. He laughed and put it away and than came over, hugging and kissing me.
“This seems very familiar, like déjà vu,” I said lightheartedly. I looked into his eyes- even though we had both grown older, he was still just as handsome as he had been the night I met him, “I love you.”
“I love you. I adore you. I need you,” Micky replied and added, “Lovely Rita.”
“Hmm., let’s go inside where we can be alone.”
He raised an eyebrow, “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”
“I certainly hope so!” We laughed and walked hand in hand inside the house, giddy as we had been all the way back on that fateful summer night in 1975.